It may be
that Japanese TV shows are, in general, more colorful, more enthusiastic, more
lighthearted than American ones, but also they’re no Real Housewives of Orange
County. It’s been hard to give that one up, I’m not going to lie to you, and if
honesty is the game…not totally sure it’s been all that great gaining these new
fascinating, exciting, and ultimately mind boggling replacements for
entertainment. I mean, am I being entertained? Language barrier aside, Japanese
TV is certainly an experience. So
here is a rundown of my understanding of it all. Let us start with the dramas,
my usual favorite.
Hero, a
Japanese drama currently airing after the completion of Buzzer Beat (an equally
engaging but also confusing drama about the semi forbidden love of a basketball
star and a violinist, maybe)…
What I
think is happening: Hero follows the surprising adventures of a group of goof
ball albeit well dressed lawyers, cops?, as they complete quests handed down
from their super duper serious boss, mob leader?, who is kind of handsome for
an older guy in a suit. But the hero, of course, is an off the wall guy who
refuses to take part in societal norms, like business professional clothing
(you go glen coco), and kind of looks like Judd Nelson. Hero, as he’s secretly
called by the other, somewhat inferior lawyers or cops always finishes his
quest first and is all the more closer to winning the heart of his lady, who
was the violinist in Buzzer Beat and is actually really awesome.
What is
actually happening according to several online wiki sources*: Kohei Kuryu, the
HERO (the show, and his role, is so famous that the only picture of that actor
on his wiki page is of his outfit on the show) of our story, works as a
prosecutor in Tokyo. But what’s special about him, ala Sherlock style, is that
he approaches cases (and wardrobe) differently than all other prosecutors—and he
has been doing so for a while so suck it up boss man. He takes his job to the
streets, investigates the crime scene, and works hard to find the truth. He
does this because once he was a suspect in a felony and a humble city prosecutor
was the only one who believed he didn’t do it, since then he’s been paying him
back for his kindness by giving back to OTHERS. How charming. An assistant in
the office, Chika Asagi, is often stuck working with this nonconformist guy and
learns from him in the process, and plus side, she’s beautiful. I mean, I was
pretty close. Fun fact, Hero’s first season aired in 2001, was followed by a
miniseries and a feature film, and has come back in 2014 for season number two.
Like, damn, make your fans wait much? Just try and beat that one Sherlockians.
Next on the
plate (heh) are Japanese food shows, which are literally always on and have
worked themselves into parts of other shows, too.
What I
think is happening: Some cruel, cruel producer (or god) picks random B-list
celebrities to compete in a variety of challenges that test the strengths of their
stomachs and their wits to keep down concoctions of seafood and vegetables I
don’t know the name of and then makes them guess some fact about the price or
the cooking or the history of the dish. The loser pays for everyone else’s
food. Sometimes there’s really fancy stuff that still looks kind of not that
tasty, but at least it’s fancy, and all the time there’s outbursts of surprise
and OISHIII that make your head spin. You thought Japanese people were quiet
and super polite right!? Ahahahahaha. It’s a cruel world forcing people to eat
small portions and then showing them food shows like this 24/7.
What is
actually happening according to Yuu sometimes**: People don’t usually get to
eat those kinds of things (high end seafood dishes, or Kobe Beef, for example)
because it’s expensive and lavish, so they do these shows to teach people about
the areas of Japan or even the world that make those dishes, and have fun
because the celebrities are funny. The problem is, I can tell that they’re
funny because everyone laughs but I can’t understand the joke in A DIFFERENT
LANGUAGE. My life is difficult, obviously. Overall, I’d probably not eat most
of those foods anyway, so the repetition of oishii and EHHH just, omg, just
stop please. This is the experience I was talking about earlier.
And finally
the news?, or talk shows?, or what?
What I
think is happening: A group of about ten news anchors, who have subsequently
become very famous in Japan, go about the day talking about the news. But there’s
only about fifteen minutes of real news worth talking about so they have to
fill the hours with trips across Japan—during which they send out a news anchor
in a funny outfit (like overalls and a bandana necktie?) to do things like walk
a dog and talk to people, or ride a bus and talk to people, or EAT FOOD and
talk to people. Then the audience goes back to the studio where someone is standing
by a large board with writing on it and they go through the board to peel away
stickers hiding surprising information as the anchors try to guess what it is
before they reveal it. Like the food shows there’s quite a lot of EHHHH and
OOOOOO and laughter. But hey, those board things are super colorful and I’m
starting to recognize the anchors enough that I think if I bumped into one in
Tokyo I might actually be excited. At some point, I think they go back to
talking about the news again, or politics, or business, but most usually they
just go out and talk to more people.
What is
actually happening: I may never know.
* But mostly I used this one: http://wiki.d-addicts.com/Hero
** I used to ask Yuu to translate for me, but I started to
realize that I don’t really care anymore.
Up Next on Gaijin Kid: Why women feel like they’re drowning
here, or probably.
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